In every family with two or more children, sibling rivalry is something that has to be there. It’s rare for siblings to not disagree on something even if it’s something petty. In some situations, one might feel hated and not valued at all. Although this might be a misconception, it might be true. Some end up asking themselves or even looking for answers to the question: why do my siblings hate me?

This question carries a lot of weight and requires self-reflection at times so that one can get the correct answer. Even though siblings hating one another is a common thing, it does have its effects.

What are the effects of sibling rivalry? Well, sibling rivalry has both negative and positive effects on a child. The effect varies from one child to another meaning one child can be affected positively while the other negatively. By saying negative, an emotional breakdown is one of the effects among others. The positive effects of sibling rivalry include boosting social skills and emotional intelligence nurturing.

In what ways do siblings show rivalry? Some of the common ways siblings show rivalry are: calling each other names; hitting each other; telling on one another; being jealous; and hiding each other’s stuff. 

Causes of Sibling Rivalry 

Sibling rivalry is an issue that families with two or more children will always face and it’s worse in flawed families. This issue results due to several reasons.

• Lack of family structure. In every family, the structure is very important. This dictates the chain of command and clearly shows the head of the family. If a family lacks a structure, siblings will be disorganized and they will try to outshine one another. With time, there will bickering and soon, they will start fighting each other.
• Feelings of unfairness. Children can detect unfairness and inequality from a very tender age. They are good at observing since that is their main way of learning things before they become fully aware of what is happening around them. When a child feels that they are treated unfairly, there will dislike their siblings and eventually start fighting with them. As a parent, this should not take you by surprise since it’s expected. Children deserve to be treated fairly and equally. If this is not the case, then expect reactions from them.  
• Lack of recognition. It’s very important for every child to feel recognized. Not recognizing a child and recognizing their sibling brings forth a feeling of hatred which eventually results in sibling rivalry. They should all feel accepted and cared for.
• Wrong perceptions/beliefs. Many parents believe sibling rivalry cannot result from outside forces such as peers. Although this is true to some extent, it’s not always the case. The belief that siblings are fighting because one spends time reading while the other spends time with friends is not a misconception. Parents should be open-minded and get to understand that they may have the wrong picture of sibling rivalry.

Why Do My Siblings Hate Me

Being hated by your sibling comes with a lot of pain, unexplainable pain at times. At times, keeping quiet about it might seem like the best way to deal with the situation but it always isn’t. This is because as days go by, the pain intensifies and the situation gets out of hand. This is the point where siblings fight or even call each other names. The following points provide answers to the question: why do my siblings hate me can be

1. Favoritism

 Being daddy’s or mom’s favorite is the common reason for a sibling hating each other. Siblings feel that no matter how much they try, you will always be the favorite kid. Because of this, your siblings will hate you and even go to the extent of letting you know about it. At times, there is nothing you can do about being the favorite kids because it’s not up to you to decide. Although this might be painful, it’s good to try to understand your siblings and let them know that you are not trying to get all the attention and it has never been your intention. This way, they will know that they can be loved and given the same attention as you.

2. Your Accompaniments 

Personal accomplishments and success do set people apart, even siblings. If your accomplishments are ever praised by your parents, there is a high possibility of your siblings feeling jealous. This jealousy is what eventually leads to bickering. Success is a result of an individual effort, hence your siblings blaming you for your accomplishments should not make you not want to achieve more in life.

3. Lack of Social Skills

Social skills are very important in every life circumstance. Socialization makes our lives enjoyable and we as human beings cannot live without relating with other people since were are social beings.

As much as this is true, a lack of social skills can hurt our relationships. If your siblings lack these essential skills, it will be difficult relating with them and have a valuable time together. These skills are basic and if they don’t exist, then socialization will not take place as required.

Related: Why do my parents hate me but love my siblings

4. Unhealthy Family Relations

A family is part of the basic human needs. But an unhealthy one might make one wish it wasn’t part of the basic needs. When family relations are unhealthy, the situation is unbearable and chaos dominates. Family members do not support each other and siblings’ hatred is heightened. With unhealthy family relations, it becomes impossible to communicate or even relate well with your family members as hatred takes over.

5. Being Different 

Being different is part of life, but at times, being different brings hatred. The way people perceive you change and sometimes you feel like you are all alone. Your likes, hobbies, or even passions might be the reason why your siblings hate you. The way you handle things and your skills and capabilities might even be the reason why your siblings hate you.

It’s okay to be different and this should not let you down or feel unloved. We are all born different and our paths in life are different. Due to this, you shouldn’t beat yourself up.

6. Jealousy

Jealousy can contribute to siblings disliking or hating each other in a number of ways. Some examples on the ways in which jealousy may contribute to your siblings not liking you include:

• Perceived favoritism: If your sibling perceives that they are being treated unfairly or that you are receiving more attention or resources from your parents, they may feel jealous and resentful.

• Competition for attention: Siblings may compete for the attention and approval of parents, or for resources such as toys or time on the computer. If your siblings feel that the competition they are getting from you is stiff, them they may end up hating you.
• Feeling inferior: If your sibling perceives that they are not as successful, attractive, or popular as you, they may feel jealous and resentful.
• Feeling left out: If your sibling feels excluded from family activities or events, they may feel jealous of you if you are included in such events and activities.
• Envy: If you have something that the your sibling wants, such as a better relationship with a parent or a skill your sibling lacks, it can lead to jealous.

7. Competition

Competition can lead to your siblings disliking or hating you in a number of ways. First, you and your siblings compete for the attention and approval of your parents, or for resources such as toys or time on the computer. This competition can create feelings of resentment, especially if your siblings feels that they are losing the competition. Additionally, if you are  consistently outperforming your siblings, it can create feelings of inadequacy and inferiority in the them. This can lead to them feeling resentful and negative towards your since you are doing better. Furthermore, if you are constantly trying to outdo your siblings, it can lead to the them feeling like they are always being judged, which can cause them to develop negative feelings towards you.

8. Personality Differences

Personality differences can lead to conflicts and misunderstandings between you and your siblings. This is something that can ultimately result in feelings of hate. For example, if you are outgoing and sociable, while the your sibling is introverted and reserved, both of you may have difficulty understanding and relating to each other. Additionally, if you are organized and responsible, while the your sibling is disorganized and irresponsible, this can also cause tension and resentment. Furthermore, if you are more dominant and assertive, while the your sibling is more passive and submissive, this can lead to power struggles and feelings of being disrespected.

9. Stress and Pressure

Its not a lie that stress and pressure can result to conflicts and negative feelings between siblings. For example, if one sibling is under a lot of stress and pressure, they may take out their frustrations on their siblings, which can lead to resentment and feelings of being mistreated. Also, if one sibling is constantly pressuring the other to do well in school or in extracurricular activities, this can also cause tension and resentment. Furthermore, if one sibling is always competing with the other and putting pressure on them to succeed, this can lead to feelings of inadequacy and inferiority, which can further fuel negative feelings.

Additionally, stress can also make people more reactive, irritable and less tolerant, which can lead to conflicts and negative feelings. It is important to understand that everyone handles stress differently, and try to be empathetic and supportive of each other in order to maintain a healthy relationship. Life stressors such as a parents’ divorce, moving, or financial difficulties can cause stress and pressure for children and adolescents, leading them to take out their frustrations on siblings.

10. Past Conflicts

Unresolved conflicts from the past can continue to simmer and cause tension between siblings. Past conflicts can have a lasting impact on relationships between siblings and can lead to feelings of hate.

For example, if you have repeatedly hurt or mistreated your sibling in the past, a feeling of betrayal and mistrust develops with time. Additionally, if one sibling has always been the favorite or received more attention and resources from parents, this can lead to feelings of resentment and envy. 

Past conflicts also have the potential of causing emotional wounds that may take time and effort to heal. They can lead to a breakdown in communication, making it difficult to resolve conflicts in the present. 

It is important to recognize and acknowledge past conflicts, take responsibility for one’s actions, and actively work towards forgiveness, understanding, and resolving conflicts in a healthy way to maintain a positive relationship with siblings.

Conclusion 

Siblings are meant to stick together but there comes a time when this cannot be possible. It’s important to recognize such a time and take a step back if it’s necessary. As much as you love your siblings, be on the lookout for scapegoating and narcissism. Sibling rivalry can lead to trauma and childhood abuse at times. Therefore, it’s okay to be true to yourself and do what is right for you even if it’s distancing yourself from such hate. If your siblings don’t love you, and you have tried everything in your power to show them that you do care, it would be wise to stop trying. Instead of draining yourself emotionally and physiologically, find a true close friend and establish a sibling relationship with them.

It’s important to keep in mind that sibling relationships can be complex and that it’s normal for siblings to have disagreements or conflicts. If you’re concerned about your relationship with your siblings, try talking to them and see if you can find a way to resolve the issue. If the issues persist, it may be helpful to seek the help of a parent, therapist or counselor.