How should parents handle the abuse of their teenage children? Sure, parents are no exception to abuse, even our teenagers may inflict physical abuse. In actual truth, most people won’t say this to friends no matter how they are close to them. Many parents do not know what to do when teenager hits you.
Teens can hit parents with nasty tricks. But teens threatening, harassing, punching, or intimidating have a right to receive information regarding the consequences of these behaviors in the future. Sometimes a problem might appear small that most of us ignore but the risk is that you might quickly escalate it and change your mind.
The actions of a teenager might even make a parent cower in the corner, fell alone, feel lost, and be in shock. There is no greater love than that of a parent. It is due to this even the thought of calling the police to press charges against a teenager becomes unbearable.
Sometimes, even the assistance from therapists, psychiatrists, and even behavioral assistance does no help. Experiencing verbal abuse and aggression from a child, especially your child is a painful thing (experience). A parent going through such an experience feels isolated, lives in fear, and can even sometimes feel jealous of other parents who have children who are good to them.
So, what to do when your teenager hits you? Here are some tips that can help you in such a situation:
1. Seeking support
Parental abuse is no different from domestic violence. You should be aware of this as a parent. If your child hits, attacks, or intimidates you, you should seek support.
This can be casual (from friends and other family members) or even professional support from counselors, and support groups.
Any form of abuse requires immediate intervention as the situation might escalate. When your child abuses you, seek support immediately. Don’t wait for it to happen again and again so that you can get help.
While seeking support, be open to the individual you are seeking support from. Since you have picked the person because you trust him or her, be open and share the whole story. Hiding some details might is not advisable. Being honest with your supportive entity will be beneficial.
2. Educate teenagers on behavior consequence
If a teenager misbehaves, clearly educate him or her on the consequences to face if the behavior or action is repeated. If the action is repeated, deliver the consequence as stated without hesitation.
As a child grows up, she or he will know that you mean what you say and will be disciplined. Healthy and obedient children are a result of effective discipline strategies at a younger age. While disciplining a child, you can opt for nonphysical disciplinary techniques which are effective.
If you bring your child in an environment where he or she is not disciplined at all or physical disciplinary strategies are used, then there is a possibility of the child misbehaving once a teenager.
Discipline starts at a tender age. If a child becomes disciplined while a toddler, it will be difficult for him or her to misbehave at a later age (teenage years and adulthood).
3. Concede their feelings and give them space
Acknowledge the fact that even teenagers can be overwhelmed by their feeling. Show them you do understand they are angry and give them space. Do not follow your child to another room or wherever he or she is going to have “space” as this can escalate the situation.
This makes them reflect on their behavior and actions. You can even get a chance to talk to them once they calm down. The level of anger that teenagers experience might be difficult for them to handle especially if they lack the knowledge.
If they agree to talk with you, try to understand the source of their anger or behavior. After identifying it, advise them calmly without being hostile.
If you are unable to advise them accordingly, suggest to them getting external assistance and support.
4. Take care of yourself
As bad as the situation might be, remember to take care of yourself. To effectively handle aggression and intimidation from your teenage child, you should look after yourself.
You might think of making a humongous or tiny amount of control/effort to keep the situation in control. While thinking to do so, remember this child is no longer an infant/toddler, you are dealing with a young adult. You should relate with the child as a fellow grow up.
Though you might feel demoralized and exhausted, remember there is hope in every situation and nothing is permanent as long as we are alive. Don’t get tired of taking care of yourself since you need your strength to get over or deal with the situation.
5. Create boundaries and make them clear
Mixed messages due to unestablished boundaries might be the cause of parental abuse. If a parent allows children to cross boundaries without facing any consequence, they might end up being abusive to them without even realizing they have crossed boundaries.
Ensure your child understands both emotional and physical boundaries and is aware of the consequence of crossing those boundaries. Make it clear to a child that it is not okay for her or him to hit you under any circumstance.
If you accept to be hit or intimidated without taking an intervention, then the child will cross the set boundaries.
6. Involve the authorities
If all the above actions have not worked, then involving the authorities might be your last option.
This is a difficult call to make but remember you are doing it for the sake of your child and yourself as well. If the child continues acting this way, even his or her future family, relationships, and society will be affected.
Do not worry about the long-term effects of involving the authorities. Do not worry about being unable to cope with the fact that you are the one who called the police to take your child. Your child is your child even if he or she has a family and you are responsible as a parent. You will be doing him a favor by doing so.
What could make a Teen Abusive?
Some factors that may make a child/teen abusive are:
– Poor coping skills
– Drug and substance abuse
– Underlying psychological conditions such as ADHD
– Indifferent or misunderstanding parents
– Mood disorders
Is my child’s behavior abusive? (Warning signs)
It is important to be able to know if the behavior of a child is abusive or not. Some signs you can use to know if your child’s behavior is abusive are:
– Behavior change accompanied by evidence of self-harm, increase in rebellious behavior, and arguments.
– Mood swings result in personality change, depression, anxiety, and other emotional issues.
– Use of substance abuse. Teenagers have a tendency of turning to alcohol and drug abuse when troubled. If it becomes a habit, know something is wrong.
– Appearance change. If your child suddenly changes her or his appearance, she might be going through something. It is not normal to suddenly gain or lose weight. This should be a red flag.
Signs of parental abuse
Some parents might not know that they are getting abused by their children (teenagers). You should be keen on your child’s behavior and be able to identify abusive acts. Showing signs of violence towards a parent should be a red flag for parental abuse. Below are some signs of abusive behavior from teenagers and children in general:
1. Increased violence
If your child increasingly and repeatedly smashes household properties, slams doors, and throws things when angry, this is a sign of parental abuse. Consider getting the issue fixed before the situation escalates.
2. Being intimidate
As a parent, if you say “no” to something, it should remain to be a no. You should not be afraid frightened by your child.
If you feel that your child will retaliate (by tone, look, or even words) if you don’t act as they wish, then that is a sign of parental abuse.
3. Mood swings
Teenagers process emotions differently. If you have handled your teenager’s mood swings to the best of your ability and there is no change at all, this might be a sign of parental abuse.
4. Verbal abuse
The way your child talks to you should be enough to identify a sign of parental abuse. If a child calls you names, threatens you, criticizes you as a parent, makes jokes at your expense, and even humiliates you in public, then you are undergoing parental abuse.
5. Physical abuse
It’s not okay for a child to lay hands on his or her parents. If your child puts a hand on you (hits you), then that is parental abuse.
Conclusion
Before doing anything, try to understand the reason behind your child being abusive. This will enable you to know the best cause of action and this is the way towards building a better family. You can even discipline the child without hitting them.
A typical childhood is not characterized by abusive behaviors. Such behaviors should be eliminated through all means even if it will mean contacting the authorities. It is for the betterment of the child.
